


Tormund Giansbane: Reluctant Relationship Counselor

by lilsherlockian1975



Series: 100 Lil Tropes [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Bramie, Canon Compliant, Eavesdropping, F/M, Humor, I am aware that Tormund is OOC, Let's fix this, Sort Of, Tormund is a good bro, Tropes, but he still doesn't like Jaime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-08 06:38:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21471664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilsherlockian1975/pseuds/lilsherlockian1975
Summary: Tormund overhears Brienne's attempt to stop Jaime's departure and, as much as he hates the Southern arsehole, he feels compelled to intervene. For the big woman, of course!"You said you'd 'ave killed everyone at Riverrun but you met her at Riverrun, didn't ya?" Tormund interrupts.Lannister's head jerks toward Tormund once again. "I would have killed her when we met! I bloody well tried, not that it's any of your concern," he growls.Tormund laughs, thinking, you could have tried to kill her. "Aye, maybe, but yer not that man anymore.""I said I would have, you half-wit!""And would you now?" The question freezes the kingkiller. He looks like he's been doused by that gods be damned ice dragon. Good, think for once in your life. "You've done 'orrible things for yer sister, aye, but you've done great things for Brienne of Tarth. Honorable things. Tell me I'm wrong."
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Series: 100 Lil Tropes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1542541
Comments: 16
Kudos: 140





	Tormund Giansbane: Reluctant Relationship Counselor

**Author's Note:**

> Accidental Eavesdropping - I suppose this one is canon-compliant - up to the point that Jaime leaves...we need to put a stop to that effery! Please remember that this is all in good fun and that Tormund is wildly out of character.
> 
> Another big thanks to kendrapendragon for reading this over and giving me some great notes as well as a wonderful suggestion about the ending.

Tormund Giantsbane is always up before dawn, no matter how much ale he's had the night before. Always. That's how he finds himself watching that Southern kingkiller readying a horse in the wee hours one morning just about a moon's turn after the Long Night. The Wildling has just finished preparing a horse himself to ride out for a hunt.

"_That lowly son of a wight's bitch,"_ he grumbles under his breath as he watches because it's clear what the kingkiller is doing. Just as it's clear what he's _been _doing with the big woman since the Long Night. The craven piece of is shit packing is for a long journey, not some quick scouting or hunting trip and Tormund thinks him a fool for it. If he'd been able to secure the big woman's attention, he'd spend the rest of his days worshipping her never leave her side. It seems to him that Southern lords are maybe a special kind of stupid.

He continues to watch, pondering the idiocy of the scrote in front of him and working on a new strategy of seduction, now that the pretty prick will be out of the way, when…

Brienne stalks up to the kingkiller's side and, of course, she starts begging him to stay. Tormund is only half paying attention, more than a bit distracted by the woman's state of dress, until he hears Lannister's reason for leaving and decides that maybe… _Ah, fuck!_ The big woman's losing her fight for the man's loyalty _and _his love, or she thinks she is, at least, as the one-handed fool feeds her a load of horseshit.

With a sigh of resignation, Tormund quietly leaves his listening spot, takes his horse and heads for one of the ruined walls to exit Winterfell without being spotted by the couple in front of him. The kingkiller doesn't deserve Tormund's intervention but Brienne does. He's watched her fight; he's seen the loyalty she has for people of the North (knowing that she's from some Southern isle, Tormund finds this fascinating) and he has seen how utterly besotted she is with the kingkiller. Tormund doesn't understand her devotion to the one-handed oathbreaker but it cannot be denied.

He rides hard and fast, stopping at the crossroad that will lead Lannister to that wretched sister of his. The Wildling is certain that the idiot will take the most direct route. He's right, of course, and doesn't have to wait long before the fool is riding at him, full tilt. It's dark, the sun - because light has finally started to return properly to the once accursed land - has not yet made it over the mountains. The moon, however, is offering enough illumination for the kingkiller to see the obstacle that Tormund presents and he slows his horse to a canter, stopping several feet in front of the Wildling.

"Well met, Tormund," the Southern shit-head greets.

"Save yer fancy words for someone who cares, kingkiller!" Tormund says. "Off yer horse, I have somethin' to tell you."

Lannister doesn't get down from his horse; Tormund isn't surprised. The kingkiller only ever followed Brienne's orders as they fought. _But not her crying pleas for his love. What a fuckin' idiot!_

"I'll stay right here. Say your piece and be done, Wildling," Lannister replies, sounding like the uppity cunt that everyone but Brienne always says he is.

"Have it yer way," Tormund spits back and is already regretting his decision to help the stupid fucker. "I lied."

The kingkiller sighs. "About what?"

"Ma name. How I got it."

_"You don't say?"_ the other man says with a sneer.

Tormund manages to quell his instinct to reach for his axe and split the pretty lord from teeth to cock.

Lannister shifts in the saddle and tightens the reins in his left hand; the right one lays motionless, useless, atop his thigh. "Illuminating as this is, I have somewhere to be…"

"The truth is not as heroic, ya see."

"Why should I…?"

"Shut the fuck up and listen!" Tormund shouts - this arsehole is pissing him off. He gets off his horse and pulls a wineskin from the saddlebag. Though he prefers drinking from his horn, it's not practical when hunting. After taking a drink, he returns it to the bag; he has no intention of sharing it with the kingkiller. "When I was a boy and stupid the way boys are, I got caught in the middle of a winter storm. A real storm, something you Southern cunts wouldn't survive. But even for me… I was in danger of freezin' my balls off. I came upon a sleepin' giantess. Well, I had this idea all of a sudden and cut open her belly and crawled up right inside her."

Even in the low light, he can see Lannister cringe.

"Kept me warm enough, she did, but the stink near did me in. She woke up when the spring come and took me for her babe. Suckled me for three whole moons before I could get away. I admit, there's times I miss the taste o' giant's milk. And I stand by the claim that it made me strong as an auroch!"

Silence falls on the small patch of road as the kingkiller seems to be pondering Tormund's words. Finally, the man looks down at him and says, "What could that frankly _disturbing _tale possibly have to do with me?"

Tormund slowly walks over to the man's horse, stroking its nose before meeting Lannister's eyes. "I tell you that, kingkiller, 'cause I know a lie when I hear one."

With that, the other man looks away. "You listened in on a private conversation," he says, staring across the landscape. The sun is just starting to rise. "Even someone as barbaric as you should…"

"Ah, shove it up your Southern arse!" This gets Lannister's attention and his head whips back to Tormund. "I was goin' out on a hunt and overheard." He pauses. "She deserves better than that, than being tossed away like she don't matter. I've seen her take a dozen hits and not even flinch but you made her cry."

Lannister seems to deflate. He shakes his head then he dismounts. Taking his time before responding, the man removes his gloves, laying them atop the saddle. "You won't make me rethink my decision. I've made up my mind," he says. His voice is quiet and full of doubt but Tormund can see that he's trying to find that arrogance that he's always wearing like some kind of damn armour. "And I wasn't lying."

"I heard the story, ya know. About the pair of you and yer travels. That little Pod fellow worships her. He got drunk an' told about how you were her prisoner and how you saved her from bein' raped and et by a bear. Didn't take much to get 'im goin'. I just asked about her sword."

Now the kingkiller is even more uncomfortable. He takes a step back toward his horse and starts tightening the straps. "Doesn't matter. Our past is…"

"You said you'd 'ave killed everyone at Riverrun but you met _her _at Riverrun, didn't ya?" Tormund interrupts.

Lannister's head jerks toward Tormund once again. "I _would _have killed her when we met! I bloody well tried, not that it's any of your concern," he growls.

Tormund laughs, thinking, _you could have _tried _to kill her. _"Aye, maybe, but yer not that man anymore."

"I said I _would _have, you half-wit!"

"And would you now?" The question freezes the kingkiller. He looks like he's been doused by that gods be damned ice dragon. _Good_, _think for once in your life._ "You've done 'orrible things for yer sister, aye, but you've done great things for Brienne of Tarth. Honorable things. Tell me I'm wrong."

The kingkiller staggers back a foot or so as if the words hit him like a blow with a war hammer.

"You can't say that you'd have killed her, can't say it for sure, not now that she's made you a better man."

"I'm _still_ a hateful man. She didn't change that."

"Is that so?" Tormund says with confidence. "A hateful man wouldn't've left his sister - his lover - to come all the way up here to the arse end of the world, to a camp full of folk who want him dead and fight a battle when he could've stayed by his hateful sister's side and let other people fight without him." He pauses. "Why'd you come?"

Lannister's eyes are focused on the snow-covered ground. He looks like he's trying to work out his answer. Finally, after several minutes, he seems to have found it. "She lied. Cersei," he explains. "I - I couldn't let that…I had to do something. Everyone was in danger."

"Yeah. Very hateful of you," Tormund interjects. "Now, why don't you tell me the real reason?"

Shaking his head in disbelief, Lannister tries to defend his position, weakly saying, "I am a hateful man," with little to no convection.

"Why'd you come, Jaime?"

He looks surprised, probably at the Wildling's use his first name. "I wanted to make sure she lived," he asnswers at length.

"Who?" Tormund asks, although it's obvious; he just wants to make the miserable fucker say it.

"Brienne, of course. She's everything good and true and honourable in this world. Everything I'm not. That's why I can't… I can't..." Shaking himself, he picks up his gloves and starts putting them back on. Though he's obviously trying to steel himself, a telling sniffle escapes as he works. Tormund watches, a bit impressed as Lannister lays the left glove on the saddle, wiggling his hand into it before tugging it on the rest of the way with his teeth. He's focused on his task now and seems resolute in it. "I shouldn't have touched her. It wasn't part of the plan…"

"You actually had a plan?"

Now that his gloves are in place, he seems lost. Head still hung, he says, "Just… come here, fight… die."

"You didn't die."

"No. Couldn't even do that right. I got drunk instead." He looks up. "I'm not… I don't handle my drink as well as Tyrion or…" He pauses, cutting his eyes across the landscape before looking back to Tormund. "Then _you_! Well, the rest is _your _fault." The jape falls flat, of course, though the kingkiller almost seems like he expected as much.

"So you wouldn't have done anything if I hadn't had designs on her?" Tormund chuckles. "You 'spect me to believe that?"

The sun has risen enough for him to fully see the other man's eyes now. They're large and wet. Freefolk don't hold things in like these Southern lords. Tears aren't shameful beyond the Wall and he'd tell him as much if he liked him, but he doesn't.

"I'm not supposed to be happy. I - I'm supposed to die with Cersei."

"Why's that?"

"She always said so, my sister: we came into this world together and… Doesn't matter. We're the same, both hateful. Tainted." He blinks and shakes his head. "Brienne was the only unspoiled thing in my life yet I spoiled her. Over and over, these weeks, I..." That's when the tears finally start to fall.

"So, Brienne's good and true and honourable and yer sister's evil and tainted and hateful?" Tormund says and Lannister looks up, wiping his face with the back of his hand. "Why are you so ready to ride South and die for a hateful woman when there's a good one a half a mile North who only wants you to live?"

Lanniter's mouth hangs open, gaping like a river trout. He looks stricken, confused then downright angry. He kicks at the snow and mumbles something under his breath about being _the stupidest something or 'nother;_ Tormund can't disagree with the idiot.

"You figure it out yet?" he asks and Lannister nods. "Well then get yer arse back on that horse and do the right thing."

Another sniffle. A muffled curse. And the kingkiller's getting back on his mount and turning it North.

Tormund follows suit. Once they're moving at a slow trot, he says, "Did I ever tell you about the time I fucked a she-bear?" Might as well entertain the one-handed oathbreaker as they ride.

Let it never be said that Tormund Giantsbane is a sore loser.

**Author's Note:**

> So, Tormund's 'real' story about his name is from the books - and sooo much better, in my opinion! Hope you liked this one! Please let me know. ~Lil~


End file.
